Day 13: Be kind to yourself

I finished yesterday's blog with a recommendation that now forms our tip for the day:

Tip 13:  Be kind to yourself

This is one of those things that is easy to say and a bit harder to do.  It is also important.  We all live busy lives. We usually have more than one thing on the go at a time.  There are other people in our world who will make demands on our time.  So, it's not going to be a surprise that as you work your way towards your goal, you will encounter the odd bump in the road.  You might miss a day, you might not be making progress as quickly as you like or even taking a backwards step now and again. ( In many change processes we get involved in as part of our work with clients, things can get worse before they get better).  

So what to do when things aren't going the way you hoped?  Be kind to yourself.  That means being willing to forgive yourself.  Accept that you are human.  It also means not judging yourself too harshly.  But that doesn't mean you can't learn from the experience.  It's how you learn that is important.

Consider a woman who has set herself the goal of overcoming her fear of presentations.  She works hard to prepare her first presentation and then gives it to her audience, who then fail to give her rapturous applause?  Has she failed?  Of course not, there is still learning to be gained from the experience.  It would be easy for her to re-confirm her belief that she is no good at presenting, but this would neither be helpful or motivating for her next attempt.  

So, in times when things haven't gone quite to plan here are some guidelines to help you review in a way which will help you keep on track. A few hints and tips for reviewing your progress:

• Be specific about the situation - don't over-generalise, especially when things haven't gone the way you hoped they would.  Using the example above, the woman could be general about her performance ('I am no good at presentations') or more helpfully, specific ('On this occasion I didn't speak loud enough to reach the members of the audience who were on the back row')
• Be clear about what is in and out of your control.  Again, using the example above, if there were building works going on outside the room, this was a factor that would affect the audience's enjoyment of the presentation, but not one that was in the control of the presenter.  Not speaking loud enough is a factor which is in her control.  Pay attention to the things you can control, learn from them and try something different next time.
• Think about what you can do differently in the future, don't dwell on the past.  Learn from your performance, then let it go.
• This last one applies especially to goals around fitness and dieting.  If you miss a day, or have a lapse, DO NOT try to make up for lost ground by doing double effort the next day.  It doesn't work and will only de-motivate you.  If you miss a day, let it go, the past is gone forever.